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Singer and songwriter Kalu James talks about darkness as a space of safety, and the mindful acts of creating art in dark times, and letting go.
(SPF 1000) Vampire Sunscreen is a listener-supported production of KUT & KUTX Studios in Austin, Texas.
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The full transcript of this episode of (SPF 1000) Vampire Sunscreen is available on the KUT & KUTX Studio website. The transcript is also available as subtitles or captions on some podcast apps.
Laurie Gallardo: [00:00:00] What do you do when you’re overwhelmed by very dark, tumultuous times? Taking a moment to pause becomes crucial. You’re not turning away, but you are remembering to breathe. Welcome to SPF 1000 Vampire Sunscreen.
Hi, I am Laurie Gallardo. Thanks for listening. SPF 1000 Vampire Sunscreen is a listener supported production of KUT and KUTX studios in Austin, Texas. If you like what you’re hearing, you can support this podcast@supportthispodcast.org. Just click the link in the show notes page. This week, another OG [00:01:00] that is an original guest of the podcast in its earlier iteration.
He’s a magnificent presence in Austin’s music scene, warm, bold, and uplifting.
Kalu James: My name is Kalu James. I am front man. Songwriter, the two of us in the band, Kalu in the electric joint. I am born and raised in Nigeria and, uh, moved to this country when I was 18, which is quite a while ago, and, uh, moved to Austin in oh seven. So yeah, I’ve been in the scene for a long time.
Laurie Gallardo: Kalu James proudly brings the rhythms, the textures, and quite importantly, the experiences of his life growing up in Nigeria to everything he creates musically.
Kalu uses his distinctive voice to share his stories in solidarity. He knows all too well the power [00:02:00] behind the music that connects humanity. Being an OG guest of Vampire Sunscreen, I’m sure that you will feel comfortable from any. Jumping point. Any way you wish to answer, but Kalu James, now that I have you here, I present the question of questions.
Kalu, what is the darkness to you? What is dark to you?
Kalu James: Immediately I go back home. Electricity is something that is often taken for granted in the west. And I even experienced that when I went home this time, which is every single light that came on in Nigeria, I was responsible for, we were responsible for, which meant you bought gas or diesel or whatever and you put it in and um, uh, it came on and you [00:03:00] try to.
Even form a sort of relationship with the person who turns off the generator to negotiate when the person like, Hey, you turned it off at midnight, can you maybe turn it off at two o’clock? At 2:00 AM ’cause I am sweating, you know, my behind off here. And with that comes safety. With that comes being unsafe.
With that comes some sort of a, there’s a lot of folklore. As a Nigerian that is very, we just live in a very superstitious society and in so many ways we are okay. With not knowing. There’s just a lot of things that are very much like, it’s always been this way. I don’t know how to explain it to you. It just is the way it is.
And when you add that on with the dark, [00:04:00] everything becomes real. As in it could be the wind or it could be spirits, or it could be a bird, and it just opens up your imagination. And I had a lot of that growing up as a kid and trying to hold onto that as much as possible since society and getting older tries to find a way to beat that out of you.
But I am very, very, very comfortable in the dark. Sometimes I feel like it’s very stark. It’s a stark difference from what I write, how I. Present myself, but that’s also because there is no appreciation of light if you haven’t experienced the dark. If it was sunlight all the time, you’d get blinded. It’s [00:05:00] flood lighting, right?
It’s like stadium lights. Just way too much. That’s too much. It’s way, way too much. You know, you don’t want that, you know, I know. I, I will burst into flames. You
Laurie Gallardo: know, this, it would be very bad for me.
Kalu James: So, I, I, the dichotomy of that, I’m, I am very comfortable in the gray and, you know, just when you think about walking into a place.
That is dark. All you do need to do is be there for a little while and you get used to it. And not only do you get used to it, you, you see a lot more. I feel like there is. You know, a metaphor with that, which is like, just don’t freak out. Like everything is gonna be fine. This two, whatever it is, shall pass.
And when I’m home, I like it dark.
I have, you know, I have some, you know, my partner comes in sometimes and there’s that [00:06:00] question, do you want the light on? And. It’s probably good for me to turn the light on, but I just feel this warm blanket. I just feel this really warm blanket when it’s dark. I also grew up on the boarding school from the age of nine to 16, and that was really tough and it took getting older to be able to like break down what was going on.
But when I think of the dark, I think of the fact that we purposefully as kids. In the boarding school broke every single light bulb to protect ourselves from the seniors, to protect ourselves from kids that were older than us because, you know, not only was there bullying going on, but there was picture like Lord of the Flies that was Nigeria.
I would say 1990. And from nine through 16 you move up in ranks. Mm-hmm. So when [00:07:00] you’re much younger, there are these protective techniques you come up with to save yourself because water doesn’t run. So you stand in line to wait for this water that just trickles down. And once you fill your bucket up, then you have to walk it from where you got the water and try to put it underneath your bunk bed.
And you’re praying that whole time that someone who is. And the 10th or 11th grade doesn’t see you because they will take the water. Because it feels like when you’re at that age, you shouldn’t be the one who is standing to get you on water. Once again, it is this whole system, almost like a prison system in a, in a, in a really weird way.
So when you beat all that and you get to your dorm, you want it dark and you want, when someone comes into the halls, you want to be able to have that. Extra second to either jump outta the window or hide or do something. So I have just been really [00:08:00] comfortable with, I just need a second, and I don’t feel like you can have just a second when it’s so bright.
Laurie Gallardo: No, it takes away your time. Yep.
Kalu James: And once again, when you haven’t had. A different experience from that. It takes things like reading, it takes things like traveling. It takes things like listening to understand that it’s a privilege. And at the same time, I think with the current climate, there is that understanding that it, it all could be taken away as well, and it’s very scary times.
Yet. I also believe that, maybe not to this extent, but we’ve been here before. There’s a lot of organizing that I think is needed, and sometimes it never really gets to the point of where it should until you [00:09:00] flip that switch and the light doesn’t come on and it’s not because you didn’t pay your bills. I think more and more we are understanding that everything is connected and we can’t just.
Say it hasn’t happened or it’s not happening to me because by the time it begins to happen to you, they very well might be no one to yell out and say, it’s happening to me. What’s to do with that? You know, I am grappling. We are in the process of writing a lot of new material, and this is often. What has always pushed me to stage, to the stage has been uti.
It has been Tracy Chapman’s. It’s been, you know, the Bob Marley’s of the world and holding the dichotomy of could you be loved, could you be [00:10:00] love and be loved? Holding that with. Burning and looting tonight. Like there is that balance, right? And for the first time, Laurie, I’m actually doing a lot of sitting back actually feeling like, I feel like the need to write about something other than what’s happening because sometimes I think there’s a part of the experiences of.
Being an immigrant in this country and the many times you have to turn the cheek is a lot of that that has happened, that you begin to say, well, what has happened right now is everywhere. If someone is so compelled to speak on it, absolutely that’s what should be happening. I have been [00:11:00] speaking on it. I have experienced, I am still experiencing it.
So maybe, uh, um, it’s time to write about a vacation. Maybe it’s time to write about a drug. Maybe it’s time to write about an escape. And it’s easier to do that when you, it’s a choice. It’s with the absolute understanding. That the dark is happening, but people are switched on. Baton has to be passed. It’s a marathon.
Yes. It’s never a sprint. Yes. It’s a really interesting time. We’re having this interview that we’re having this interview, ’cause I’m kind of feeling like this tumbleweed, who’s used to knowing all the materials I can gather for Canon father, right. To create this thing. Mm-hmm. I’m used to going to this.
And for the first time, I am [00:12:00] actively letting go of that and just seeing where I go and being comfortable and really, really uncomfortable at the same time, just trusting the flow and the process, knowing that. You know, this deep sea diver is trying to learn how to swim on the very, very shallow waters at this point in time.
But I also, I, I know at the same time, there’s just no way that it wouldn’t be anything that I. I am not 100% behind.[00:13:00]
Preservation is, uh, very, very important. And as much as you’re, you can be confident in that sentence I just mentioned, I just said that, you know, the war in your head is like, but this has happened, but that is happening. You know, and it’s, and I, I just have to sit with the uncomfortable stance at this point.
And, you know, we did. Do this recording before, the first time was before COVID and during COVID. I was the first time I ever as an immigrant to move to this country when I was 18. That was the first time that I ever took this really big breath of e, especially knowing that I was living in a country [00:14:00] where.
There is Uncle Sam and that I paid into the system where all of a sudden, and we know, as you know, musicians, the unemployment check that you ended up getting sometimes was more than what it is that you were making on a monthly basis. And Laurie, as soon as I realized like, oh, I can pay my bills, um, I, I began to notice like little things like.
Walking in the empty streets and kicking rocks for like 10 minutes and realizing that the last time, I probably did that when I was nine or 10 years old and get to the point where I realized that, oh, I can, I don’t have to keep up with. The Joneses, there is nothing to post about. I can get in my car, which I did, and I put a, a twin mattress and [00:15:00] I drove.
I drove 7,500 miles in June of 2020, and even within that moment I was grappling with, this is a frivolous trip because I have so many family members who. Where going through a lot, there was a lot going on in the rest of the world, and here I was on this trip where. I really wasn’t seeing anyone because there was no one to see.
It was just, and and, and being able to help out family members. Being thankful that I am in this country to do that, and dealing and also seeing that my experience was very different from my friends who were not of color that were doing that trip because once again, people were locked at home and finally.
Like you were saying, we have a friend who mentioned that this has always [00:16:00] happened. All of a sudden we were able to see what we’ve talked about with racism and all the isms that exist, but mostly the Black Lives Matter. Lives Matter movement happening, and I really didn’t know how scared I was on that trip.
I mean, I was cognizant, but you have to block it and keep moving. It was only like when I came home that. Uh, I, after three and a half weeks, four weeks of incoming home thinking, like most people thought, okay, certainly this is six months and we, we are gonna go back to our lives, right? And when that became really, really clear that that was not the case, I had to go back into those, those trips.
Because I hugged the PCH all the way up to Bozeman and came back with that, and I had to just delve back [00:17:00] into those and write from that. It was just a much needed and, and, and I’m, I’ve talked to a few friends who felt like, Hey, I was cognizant of what was happening. There was a lot of departures happening in this world.
Physically. Yeah. At the same time here I was thriving with the dichotomy of people who were having really hard times with the grace and the thanks to people who were essential workers. It is just like all these things that were happening at the same time. And you felt there was a part of it that you felt guilt of like, how is this possible?
And the thing that I know best to do is to share experiences, so. I started working on a book that I have been for the past four years with multiple rewrites, and my whole thing was to get to the point to possibly write something that [00:18:00] is from like a passenger standpoint, if that makes sense. Whether it comes out or not is was just not even part of it.
It was just like this needed to come out of me because I came home and I was like, what do I do with all these experiences inside my brain when I’m stuck in this little studio? You know, I have to find a way to. Escape my reality. And I think that was in so many ways, that was, I mean, I know music does that, we do that to escape, we do that, do that to appease, we do that to Soothe and console.
But that book was, uh, in writing, that was the first time of like. I know that I’m stuck in the studio with this fan that keeps spinning and I am my only pod, pod of one. Um, but I can be somewhere else. I can be in Africa next to my mother through practice of meditation to [00:19:00] see, to do that. I say that because in so many ways I think it’s gotten me to.
I guess sit more comfortable with the fact that I don’t know what this next set of materials are going to be for us, and that is okay
Laurie Gallardo: when we come back. Kalu reflects upon the connectedness of the human experience. And the wisdom and understanding that comes with growing up. Stay tuned.
Welcome back to SPF 1000 Vampire Sunscreen and my conversation with Kalu James.
Kalu James: I believe it’s all connected. You know, like the best of [00:20:00] us understand that it’s all connected and. Us human period. And it makes sense that sometimes it really is hard to look at that mirror. It makes sense. It makes sense sometimes that you pull up and, and you’re at a red light and you are just not feeling yourself that day.
You really cannot feel yourself enough to look at the person going through what they’re going through. It’s heartbreaking all around it. I can’t do the mom, like a, a, a woman in kids, whatever I have in my pocket, I, I just, I, I cannot see that For me, something gets disconnected. It, it just, I had, and you know, there are people who are like, you know, you know what?
We’re gonna use that money. I’m like, you know what? That’s, that’s past my pay grade. It is absolutely past my pay grade. And I just know the role of my mother in my life, the role of women. In my life. And [00:21:00] it takes a lot, a lot to get to the point where a kid is also pulled into that picture. So there’s no reason to try to decipher what that is.
Laurie Gallardo: No, no, no.
Kalu James: Yeah, if I can help, I will.
Laurie Gallardo: You’re so right when you say everything is connected. Every last thing is connected. Things that we viewed previously not true. It’s all connected. I think what I’m experiencing is a mixture of fear, as in, oh my word. This is all connected, but there’s another side to that.
I’m grateful. Grateful for the awareness. Yes, and grateful to continue to learn from everybody. I don’t go around like I know all the things. Oh, shut up. I do not know all the things. I love being proven wrong despite what other people might think. I love it. [00:22:00] Sometimes being wrong is amazing and you can take a deep breath.
Kalu James: Yeah. And
Laurie Gallardo: go, oh good. I was so wrong.
Kalu James: And sometimes I think growing up is putting a giant foot in your mouth. There’s so many things I’ve told myself I would never do. Psych so many, and the more, the more you’re in these different situations, the more I think your, uh, depth and capacity for understanding grows.
It’s like you just do not know where someone is coming from, how much they have done to get to where they are, and. Yeah. What just happened before they ran into you or you ran into them or whatever? Like, it just, I, I think it’s the same thing for me with like meeting unquote my heroes. I’m just not interested in that.
I’ve never been interested in it. There’s a part of it where I understand and, and you know, I say this at the same [00:23:00] time, you know, I appreciate when people express how much they enjoy the show or whatever. But I just know that we are all spirits having this human experience this moment, and you can just be having a really bad day.
And here is variable X myself, coming out from God knows where, trying to tell you how much you have helped my life and improved. It’s like, dude, I’m, I just woke up like. A girlfriend just broke up with me. My car sucks or whatever. Like I, I am not, and that is a human moment at that point in time, and I feel like as much as I can be understanding, I may not have that for that moment.
So the best way to do it is just. Cut it out. I just, I really do. I’m not interested. They have done more than enough and will continue to do it without actually having to meet the human. Yes, I like the spirit. [00:24:00] The human is as flawed
as I am.
Laurie Gallardo: Oh, that, that was handed to me recently on a platter. And, um, without getting into details, I, I appreciate that.
Well, Kalu, as we begin to wrap this up, the tables have now turned. And now to wrap this up, you get to ask me a question, but make it count.
Kalu James: Okay. I think it’s awesome to know that you. Because I, I, when I listen to you on the airwaves and online, I, I think you’re
hilarious. Thank you. So to know that, you know, you weren’t this, you’re this really serious teenager.
Is is, [00:25:00] is, it’s like that’s a revelation. Um, ’cause I, I don’t see that at all. Um, have you always had.
The Laurie Garo voice. I have to ask that.
Oh my word. ’cause
it’s so, I mean, it’s so distinct. It’s so like, it’s like someone said, this is exactly what you are going to do. It’s this voice that is packaged with this bow and, and just perfect for this medium and, and more that we haven’t even gotten to.
Laurie Gallardo: Thank you. First of all, thank you. Um, secondly, I think I knew when I was a kid that I was fascinated with radio and who knew We would go through a, a point in our existence where people would say, ah, radio’s dead. What are you talking about? There’s no radio. Not really, especially when public radio is involved.
No one [00:26:00] said, well, you’ve got this voice that belongs at. No one ever really told me that. Instead, they were like, what are you fascinated by? Well, this is what I like, and I kind of went from there with it. It was this thing where I really didn’t know what the heck was going on. I think I kind of glamorized it the way most people do and the reality going behind the scenes and thinking.
Oh, okay. I’m a little nervous around the equipment, but I think I can, I can learn and I, I set about doing that. Very fortunately, I was able to work at Public Radio Station, KTEP in El Paso. They, there, there were no internships. I was a part-time employee, got familiar with all things considered in the way they broadcast their news.
I don’t know if I’ve always had a voice for it, but I had to learn along the way. Yeah, you can’t always have that perfectly commercial sound because people really hate it. Now you can. [00:27:00] You can do that for other things and you can even joke around about it. But, but now, and especially now, the emphasis on sounding like people around you, that’s what people are going for.
You hear it? On NPR. You hear it in big commercial productions, there are what they call ordinary voices or really voices of the people. That’s what makes commercials now. That is what you hear in reporting now and often younger voices too. We have our tried and true. We have the people who’ve been doing it for years, myself included, but.
We now need to look to the youth to provide all of the voices, not just that one. Thank you though for those compliments, because sometimes I think, what did you just say? What are you doing?
Kalu James: Well, I, I do have your voice recorded on my voice memo, if you remember.
I do that.
That [00:28:00]
is an alarm that says. I will play for you later, but it says, it says.
Uh, what are you doing? It’s time to wake up. Get up. And I had you record that we were having this photo shoot. Oh no. And that’s how much I do love your boys because it’s Oh, no. Poor. I’m haunting his dreams. No, it’s perfect. Oh God. It’s perfect.
It’s only for when I really, really need to get up.
Yes.
Come on, get up.
Laurie Gallardo: If you have anyone staying with you, I’m sure it would terrify them as well. Oh my word, Kalu. That is, that is amazing. I’m glad you still have that.
Kalu James: I do. I,
Laurie Gallardo: I love it. And again, I want to say. Thank you for coming in to do this and, and I just, I [00:29:00] love that you, again, you are an original guest. You can take those bragging rights.
Yes. And, um, fresh off
Kalu James: the shoulders as we speak. I, I appreciate you. Thank you,
Laurie, for having me.
Laurie Gallardo: Many thanks to Kalu James for this great conversation. Your vampire sunscreen host and creator is me. E yours truly, Laurie Guerro, editing and mixing by Jack Anderson. Original music composed by Renee Chavez Graphic designed by Dave McClinton. Very special thanks to our engineer and producer Tou Thomas.
And thank you to our fearless podcast leader, Elizabeth McQueen. SPF 1000 Vampire Sunscreen is a listener supported production of KUT and KUTX studios in Austin, Texas. And if you like what you’re hearing, you can support our work@supportthispodcast.org. Please make sure to leave us a [00:30:00] rating or review wherever you listen.
And now, something to keep in mind, we search for the light. But behold the darkness. Until next time.
This transcript was transcribed by AI, and lightly edited by a human. Accuracy may vary. This text may be revised in the future.
